Once upon a time, there were relatively few, large, news organizations that served the public at large. The majority of these organizations traded on appealing to a broad audience and eliciting trust in their audience. Now we live in a world where the primary job of a news organization is to sensationalize stories in order to make them more sellable. There is a natural inclination on people’s part not to feel this is the case because it is uncomfortable to believe that you are drinking from a poison well when the water tastes so good.
When we look at the media and observe how they manipulate the truth to elicit an emotional response from their audience, we see they consistently use certain tactics to mislead them. Tactics such as outright lies may constitute libel or slander when used to malign a person or set of people. Lies can be used. However, more typically in circumstances where the victim isn’t in a position to prosecute a case against the offending agency. Other tactics that avoid outright lies are manifold:
Lack of proper context
People assume reasonable context. However, one can report a thing, removed from context, whose meaning is entirely different or totally opposite from the meaning in context. e.g. “I never said ‘Mr. Smith is a mind control robot from the planet Mars.'”. It could then be reported as Mr. Jones said quote “… Mr. Smith is a mind control robot from the planet Mars.”.
Reporting on reporting
There is zero need to quote credible sources when using this tactic. This creates the illusion of credible reporting. When consuming news, listen for the special words used to remove all need for accuracy. Typically phrases like ‘Witness report…’ or simply ‘Sources have reported…’
e.g. Sources have reported that Mr. Smith is a mind control robot from the planet Mars.
Cherry picking This is the tactic of selectively reporting only those facts that support the narrative you wish to present and can be used in a number of different ways. The simplest way is just to tell a one-sided story. The more insidious is use cherry picking to give a totally false impression.
e.g. A public figure acts like a jackass. He does this numerous times. This behavior is then reported when engaging a minority. Suddenly this person is a ____ist who picks on ____s. Nope. Still, just a jackass who is a jackass to everyone.
Manipulative descriptions This is the art of describing things in a way that leaves a specific impression that is typically unbalanced and manipulates the reader into a mental image divorced from the facts. Select, descriptive, terms give a particular impression in order to bias the audience.
Selective profiling This is when stories are only reported when specific groups are involved in specific ways. Stories emphasize that group’s involvement. Stories become big news. These would be virtually ignored were the gender, ethnicity, orientation, etc. of the parties involved different.
e.g. Extremists repeatedly attack schools giving a western style education each time they murder the boys and let the girls go.The story gains traction when the extremists kidnap the girls. Murdered Boys are described as “students”; Kidnapped girls as “girls”.
The interesting thing about newsworthiness is the property that makes any story newsworthy. In short, what makes a story newsworthy is its ability to make the reporting agency money. This is the whole long and short of it.
Adjectives used to describe the ability of a story to make money are things like compelling, exciting, horrifying, tragic, frightening, outrageous, riveting, etc. These words all have one thing in common, they describe eliciting intense human emotion. Terms not used to describe newsworthy stories: thoughtful, informative, balanced, even-handed, fair, well researched, competent, etc. The reason is those things don’t create an emotional need to consume more.
People love to feel they are doing God’s work. Whatever that god may be. Often it’s the god of moral righteousness. Forever there are people who feel they need to show the evils of the world and reveal them for all to see. The only real way to do that is to make the news more exciting. All the while they feel they are doing the right thing. Sure maybe the story they are reporting will mislead people, but in the end, it will be a good thing. This is because they, the good-hearted reporter, have raised awareness. Is it important that they have distorted the facts to do this? No. After all, facts only get in the way of the greater truth that will bring about a better world.
The days of live and let live are dead. We occupy an era of in-groups and out-groups. People elevate themselves by espousing those things they see as virtues and condemning those who do not share those virtues. Each and every virtue filled person is their own Templar on a crusade to rid their own personal Holyland of the heathen unbeliever, polluting its purity. Isn’t it too bad that you are a Saracen dog only fit for the sword?
Self-esteem here I come
No matter how crazy one’s ideas, somewhere there is a group to tell them ‘you are right and everyone else is wrong’. Isn’t it great that if you believe an evil government conspiracy framed some gay/infidel/feminism loving Muslims as having hijacked chemtrail spreading planes, running them into the twin towers which were all set up to be collapsed by explosives set on every floor by invisible government agents able to walk through walls on this flat Earth whose true shape is hidden from us by a vast NASA conspiracy, that somewhere there is a support group to tell you that you are a genius for having figured all that out?
Be all you can…
Be whatever your peer group says is cool!
You don’t need to feel compelled to accomplish anything. Go scream at people you don’t like and call them evil. Shout them down, make them afraid, throw paint on them, pepper spray them, censor them, lie about them, belittle them, call them names. Remember, your moral superiority makes all this okay when you do it, in exactly the same way it made others evil when they do it. The ends justify the means because your cause is just and right. What’s really important is that you feel good at the end of the day. Dress up in your colors and join the others. Feel the rush as do what you do. Shout the party slogans. Join the crowd, Take action. Make your contribution, shouting, throwing, intimidating. You are brave. More importantly, everyone saw you.
Making the world a worse place,
one tantrum at a time
People are constantly telling themselves that if they pick out some group, make them their political enemy, shout them down, and call them names, that they are making the world a better place. As it happens this is not the case. What is really happening is those people are creating artificial conflict, a conflict they can win. They win because they write the rules for the conflict and set the conditions for winning. The real horror show here is that even when someone is hurt or killed it’s a win.
Finally, if the past 20 years has taught us anything it’s that conflict radicalizes fringe groups and makes them more popular for disaffected youth. There is a fine line between fighting a bully and being a bully telling yourself you are fighting a bully.
In Elder Scrolls Daggerfall & Morrowind revisited (Part 1) I talked about some of the problems with The Elder Scrolls (TES) games. Just to be clear, I am a huge fan of TES. If I am critical of the series it’s only because I want it to be better. I also wish to bring back aspects of the games removed to make them more marketable to the general public.
Much of my motivation to publish articles on the subject of TES series have come from Youtube videos. In particular, The Elder Scrolls: The Dumbing Down and Zaric Zhakaron’s series “What if ____ was good?” Both of these talk about how Bethesda has made sacrifices in order to produce games for a wider audience. After Daggerfall, TES games were made more limited in scope and easier to manage. In addition, Bethesda has increasingly adapted games to be more multi-platform friendly. This meant that it was necessary to remove elements that did not lend themselves to simplistic controls and limited processing power. In effect, newer TES games were limited to the lowest common denominator, the console.
The reason I bring these things up is to make it clear how amazing it was when Bethsoft created Daggerfall. Daggerfall was one of the most highly anticipated CRPGs ever produced. Daggerfall did what no other CRPG before or since has ever done. Developers of the game made a real effort to create a simulation of a full sized, immersive world. This attempt was far from perfect. As I have said before, the computing power and technology to do what they were trying to do simply did not exist at the time.
Morrowind, the good, the bad, and the ugly
Morrowind was the next step in the evolution of the series. This game sought to correct the problems in Daggerfall by handcrafting all aspects of the game. While this produced a visually appealing game, the drawback was a severe reduction in emersion and realism. As stated in part 1, the world was drastically reduced in size. This was a disappointment to fans of the series who had hoped to see a large world with improved generation of locations, terrain, NPCs, etc. Instead, we got the Disneyland version of Morrowind’s island of Vvardenfel; a country-sized island shrunk down to an easily walkable size with some rides to make it feel like you were really getting that Morrowind experience.
Rarely considered, is how much of the “handcrafting” of impassable terrain and obscuring flora as well as the addition of game mechanics like the silt striders, teleporting, boats, etc. are less about making a better, more immersive world than you might think. Rather, these things help conceal the true size of the game space while at the same time steering the player in the direction the game designers wish them to go.
How can this be fixed?
As it happens, most TES fans did not start out playing the early games in the series. Consequently, they have little sense of loss when the large, 1:1 world of Daggerfall went away never to return. It’s much the same with the RPG aspects of TES games. When skills, stats, and magic got watered down in later games, few players felt that anything had been taken away. The same goes for the open world. Many see no need for areas in the game that do not directly impact gameplay. For me, the ability to just wander about is a wonderful part of the game.
Blow it up
Okay, first, the play space needs to be enlarged by a couple of orders of magnitude. The tiny islands surrounding Vvardenfel need to be islands, not rocks. Cities on Vvardenfel need to be cities and not just a collection of houses. Take the city of Vivec. Where do people live? There are places for the craftspeople etc. but virtually no one else. If such a city existed, there would need to be houses and farms and people to support such a city. Vivec is mostly a temple complex. There would need to be a town of people nearby to call it a city. The same is true for the other cities on the map. These need to be true cities. None of the cities in the game have anything resembling an infrastructure, making daily life possible.
Many areas on the map exist merely to separate other areas with terrain features, etc. This can be fixed by stretching the map like the skin of a balloon. Give cities room to expand. Provide large areas of farmland to feed a realistically sized populous. Of course, some areas should be left much as they are. The Caldera mines should remain near Caldera but should not be just as close to Balmora.
Petting zoo for n’wahs
Next, remove static respawning monsters. Seeing the same monsters over and over in the same area, again and again, is tedious. OpenMW with its greatly increased view distance and ability to see statics far away makes this flaw very obvious with dozens of cliff racers hanging motionless in the sky or flying in simplistic patterns. Of course, once you make the game space large enough there is no longer a need to have static spawns. Instead, it’s possible to have a percentage chance based on environment type that particular creature will spawn. A spawned creature may come from a burrow, nest or some similar place and possibly be part of a pair, pack or family group. Creatures should not necessarily be automatically aggressive unless defending an area, nest, young, etc.
All creatures should be limited by ranges, food sources, competition, and predation. An aggressive creature that ranges near a settlement would likely be hunted down. Hunting will cause wildlife to diminished around population centers and thoroughfares. For players, hunting creatures should be a challenge as wildlife learns to avoid people. An ecosystem should be self-balancing and feel that way.
Bringing sexy fast travel back
In the real world travel between cities takes a long time. In the land of Tamriel, this can be many days or weeks. Travel in Daggerfall consisted of both land and water travel. A number of factors determined travel time. Would you be sleeping in inns? Did you own a horse? Would you be traveling by ship? All of these factors affected your speed and the amount of money it would take to travel. In Daggerfall, you were able to purchase a ship. This allowed you forgo the expense of paying passage. Morrowind travel is by foot, silt strider, boat, ship, teleportation. Often, getting to a location will involve a combination of these.
Bring back the open world
Give the player the option to use fast travel to move to anywhere on the map. Fast travel in the Baldur’s Gate series was had a good mechanic. As the player fast travels down a particular road an encounter happens specific to that location. You might exit fast travel as you: are waylaid by bandits, meet a strange traveler, are handed a mysterious note, etc. Of course, there is no reason that a triggering event needs to be a particular location. Perhaps you have a bounty and someone spots you. It could be a particular time or any of a number of things.
Your ability to travel in certain ways could expand as you discover perhaps secret means of teleportation requiring a special item or become a member of the mages guild, etc.
Why is this a good time to talk about this?
The OpenMW project has produced a game engine without the map size, view distance and other limitations of the original game. As a consequence, it now possible to address the issue of the cramped game space. The technology to produce realistic terrain via procedural generation has advanced. This technology can produce virtual land, rivers, roads, mountains, farms, towns, etc. All without giving up the hand-crafted aspects of TES series.
What is with people who take words, that are clearly defined, and then misuse them by attaching their own definition? The purpose of language is to communicate concepts between two or more people. Those people don’t necessarily know what the other is thinking. Bear in mind, words are the building blocks of all language and are defined. They are defined so that when used, those words have meaning, and that meaning is clear.
The great no no
You can’t use the sentence “I was committed.” to mean something it doesn’t. That sentence does not mean, for example, I had a great deal of enthusiasm for it, at the time (“it” being the thing you were allegedly committed to). The reason is “committed” is generally defined as a word meaning a determination to take an action. If you have left the possibility of changing your mind open, you literally haven’t committed to anything. This makes the above statement a lie of sloppy language. At best you’re only kinda committed, or committed on a conditional basis.
Conditional statements masquerading as commitments
As stated in the above case, conditional commitment is not commitment at all. Under those circumstances, a person is essentially saying ‘I am committed to action X as long as all the conditions for me wanting to take action X remain. Else, I will take action Y.’.
Finally, the why of it. People make these sorts of statements for the purpose of making themselves seem like better people. No one would think you a good person for saying. ‘I’m gonna do what I want when I want and how I want.’ Where is the nobility in that? Instead, they make it seem as though they were committed and then something outside their control changed that. Really, the truth is, they changed their mind and don’t want to own up to it.
Lately, I have been revisiting The Elder Scrolls series. In particular, I have been playing TES III, Morrowind. What makes this decade and a half old game really enjoyable to play, once again, is the work of the various fan projects that are now starting to bear fruit. Among these, is a project that has produced a game engine that’s, in ways, better than the original (more later). The unfortunate side effect is the capabilities of this engine now reveal the real limits of the original game. Fortunately, the same sort of engine update is now starting to show off the efforts of the creators of Daggerfall with its unprecedented 1:1 scale.
A world compressed
When Morrowind came out I was rather disappointed. Not by the gameplay or story but by the world itself. Bethesda rescaled the island of Vvardenfell making it too small by a couple of orders of magnitude. From one city to the next is a 10min jog. If one is able to fly the time is even shorter. An area that should be about the size of France is, in fact, smaller than Paris; Paris, Texas.
The game hides its true scale by limiting view distance and providing various means of fast travel to different locations on the map. Somewhat like taking an Uber to the corner store while being charged like they are driving you to another city.
A world before
The series’ first game “Arena” was good but largely unremarkable. It introduced the lore, the continent of Tamriel and it had an interesting story. It was also the only Elder Scrolls game I’ve ever actually finished. I have played all of the main games, up through Skyrim. However, in most of the TES games, completing the main quest has seldom been my goal. For the most part, I just enjoyed playing and exploring.
This brings me to the subject of the previous game, TES II Daggerfall. Daggerfall was a game I very much looked forward to playing. The game limited the player to just the area of the Iliac Bay. When I say “just the area of the Iliac bay” this should not be taken to mean the area was small but rather it was the biggest area ever put into an RPG before or since.
Daggerfall was a monumental undertaking. The problem was, that at the time, the technology was unable to really handle it. The 3D world of Daggerfall was entirely populated by low-resolution 2D sprites turned to face you like billboards. Some of the people in the game were animated sprites and some were even animated from multiple angles to present the illusion of 3D.
A world with problems
On top of this, there were a couple of big issues. Number one was a bug that would sometimes cause you to fall out of the dungeon or world entirely. The other was the vast number of adventure locations were procedurally generated. This in a time before procedural generation could be said to be at all developed as we think about it now. Dungeons were often random spaghetti bowls that made no sense, with a quest item randomly placed somewhere inside. You might go to a dungeon, kill a monster in the first room, and be done or crawl through for an hour until you find a chest in some obscure unguarded room, behind a secret door, you missed somehow.
A world renewed
Thanks to the ever-increasing popularity of TES games there are a number of projects that have produced remarkable results. The Unofficial Elder Scrolls Pages website is among the oldest. UESP has been around since the mid-90s and is one of the best repositories of TES lore and other information anywhere. There are a couple more sites like this, but UESP has been around since the very beginning.
Next on my list is Tamriel Rebuilt. This project was organized when Bethsoft announced it would not be including the whole of Morrowind in TES III Morrowind but only the island of Vvardenfell. The project seeks to expand the game to include not just the island but the mainland of Morrowind. At one time, they planned to eventually include the whole of Tamriel (hence the name). To say the project was, and is still, ambitious, is something of an understatement. This project is now over 15 years old and still only about half or a bit more finished. Still, what TR has published is a truly impressive expansion to the original game.
Project Tamriel is a sort of extension to TR, adding landmass to the original game. Basically, it addresses expansions for TES III outside of the Morrowind province. It also provides for the sharing of assets between these fan-made expansions. Right now, the three expansion mods under construction are “Province: Cyrodiil”, “Skyrim: Home of the Nords”, and “High Rock 427”. The sharing of assets is a pretty big deal. It minimizes duplication of effort and allows the maximum number of people to create assets since assets from one mod get shared with all other mods.
Lastly, as I talked about in a previous post, there is the Open Morrowind Project. After ten years of work, it’s nearing full, 1.0 release and is at this point just being polished. OpenMW is a free, open-source, replacement engine for the original Morrowind engine. The project’s goal is to release a game engine, virtually indistinguishable from the original, capable of playing Morrowind using all the power of a modern PC: widescreen, multi-core processors, multithreading, GPUs, shaders, textures, bump mapping, etc. One exciting thing about the project is it eliminates many limitations of the original, now 15-year-old, engine. Also, because it is open sourced, it can continue to be updated into the foreseeable future. After the 1.0 release, the team plans to start adding additional features not present in the original Morrowind.
A world revisited
I’m going to talk about the future of my two favorite games in TES series, Elder Scrolls Daggerfall and Morrowind. I will be talking about Morrowind in part two because there is a lot to cover just with Daggerfall. Both of these games tended to stress the role-playing part of the action RPG. They tended to be less scripted than later TES games, (though Morrowind moved a bit more in this direction) and had a more free-form and open world.
We’ve already discussed the problems with these two games, as they were released. In short, Daggerfall suffered from Bethesda’s lack of the technological ability to generate a truly immersive world with complex, procedurally generated, details and connections. Morrowind, on the other hand, lacked Daggerfall’s 1:1 scale, with immersion into a world that was truly real in size. It also lacked a lot of the details that Daggerfall implemented. These details increased immersion but didn’t really benefit gameplay.
How can we fix this? Let’s first start with Daggerfall. The size of the game needs no fixing, it’s huge. What needs to be fixed is the lack of connection that the randomly generated people and locations have to each other. The game is filled with tens of thousands of NPCs; people without lives. In addition, Daggerfall has 15,000 locations. Most are remote and unconnected with the world around them. Thousands of dungeons, crypts, farms, towns, etc. are random, uninteresting, populated with monsters that exist merely as something to kill or people with nothing to say, with no links to anything.
Fortunately for TES fans, Bethsoft has released Daggerfall for free and there are projects that seek to update the primitive, DOS-based, 3D into something a bit more modern. Hurray! Hopefully, soon we will see a more playable and enjoyable Daggerfall and possibly more.
Let’s for a moment imagine a fan-based effort to not only fix the bugs, etc. in Daggerfall but really update it with modern technology. We’ll call this mythical project Daggerfall II or D2. Of course, it should have persistent terrain, true 3D objects and the ability to see things just as we do in the real world. The Daggerfall Workshop has brought this closer into being. Take a look at this video to see an example of this.
A living world
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if instead of a stagnant world we had a world in which people had jobs and lives etc.? There exist, now, algorithms that predict with good accuracy out of a city of say 10,000 how many of those would be cobblers, weavers, tailors, dyers, potters, plumbers, blacksmiths, jewelers, brickmakers, bricklayers, carpenters, masons, prison guards, town guards, tax collectors, nobles, bankers, glass blowers, cabinet makers, shipwrights, fletchers, roof thatchers, woodcutters, school teachers, homemakers, basket weavers, bakers, butchers, etc. Every person you stopped on the street would be going somewhere to do something. There would likely be a market square in any sizable town where shops would be, along with carts of goods for sale lining the streets.
Possibly, goods would make their way to the cities via roadways. Imperial guards would sally forth from cities, forts, and depots to patrol the roads of the empire and ensure the smooth continuance of commerce. Farms would cluster around large towns. Trade caravans would move between cities on highways and rivers. Fishing towns would provide a constant supply of seafood nearly year round. Ports would provide exotic goods from places near and far.
A created world
In our imagined game, all these things become part of the rules that help generate our procedurally generated world. Importantly, areas within half a days ride of a large city are filled with farms and villages. These places create goods to be consumed in the city. It’s not difficult to calculate the area an individual family could sow with an ox or horse-drawn plow. We have seen the result from hundreds of years of planting and the moving of stones to the edges of the field results in built up hedgerows. Importantly, where you find farms, you find farm to market roads. You will also find farriers, smiths, and general stores, etc. Farms would have roads connecting them with farm towns or villages and those would have roads connected with highways and other towns.
Can it be done?
Of course, this might seem a massive undertaking. In game terms, these rules would tend to govern who the NPCs are what they know and where and when you would likely to meet them. For example, traveling out of a city in the morning you would most likely meet farmers and craftspeople moving into the city to sell their goods. At evening they would likely be returning home. Along a highway, you might meet a trade caravan or an Imperial patrol. In the woods, you might meet a hunter or a woodcutter. Villains and monsters would range out from nearby dungeons. Bounties might be posted in towns plagued by nearby ruffians. Migrant workers would journey to farmsteads in spring and fall to make a few septims during planting and harvest season and home again after.
A player might, for instance, meet a farmer traveling in a cart. “I’m taking sacks of grain to the mill at Lomton to be ground into flour.” the farmer might say. That flour would then be used to fulfill the existing orders of a city or town some distance away. The player might have thousands of encounters like this with no two alike. Each NPC would have limited knowledge centered around local lore. The NPC might have a small chance of producing a breadcrumb leading to knowledge of a local dungeon or quest item.
Other things to fix
Most important, locations, especially underground locations should be specific and make sense. Places should have histories and purpose: Mines converted to underground lairs; A natural set of caverns expanded with passwall spells or forced labor or dwarves, etc.; Creatures in hiding from the Empire; A criminal organization; The headquarters of a forbidden cult or wizards looking to research in secrecy. Moreover, in each of these scenarios, the location should follow a logical plan. Items, rooms, monsters, traps should all follow the theme along with a physical structure that makes sense. Additionally, quest items should be in logical places. Are you on a quest to recover mummy wrappings? The mummy could be the man or woman who constructed the place and they have laid about them a number of traps and monsters to guard their tomb.
Secondly, commerce is wide open in Daggerfall. Future versions of the game could allow this to be expanded upon. Travel about the Iliac bay in your ship buying and selling: Alik’r silks, Daedric weapons, herbs, potions, magic, etc.
Finally, co-op play has been toyed with in of TES games where you become a party of two or more adventures. With some effort, this could be added to a revised Daggerfall. In future, this would allow a single player type game with companions who are PCs. Perhaps companion characters could be played or left on autopilot. This would allow people to come and go from the hosted game as they wish.
Because there is no deadline to get D2 out, in future, the game can continue to expand, adding more: features, detailed quests, improved graphics, etc.
Life is not a bowl of cherries,
but sometimes it is the pits
Sometimes being an intelligent and fairly functional person on the autism spectrum is not an altogether pleasant experience. The problems that have plagued me throughout my life seem to spring out of a misunderstanding of my limitations; what they are, and how they affect my life. One of the real difficulties is dealing with people who think there is nothing wrong with me. Another is dealing with the few who over estimate my disability. I want to be clear that people on the spectrum can be very different from one another. Your milage may vary.
At an early age I was diagnosed as hyperactive with a number of learning disabilities. These disabilities make it difficult for me to spell, do math, write, keep items in a particular order, keep track of time, etc. On the other hand my abilities to read, comprehend, extrapolate, problem solve, etc. have always been well above average. Less obvious, is how I deal with emotions. I am constantly stressed and find myself unable to cope with other people and their feelings. When bombarded with emotions I tend to become irrational, shut down completely and become violently opposed to people confronting me.
The result of my inability to cope with emotions is that I have become more and more inclined to be emotionally detached. You might imagine this to be a choice I have made, but I assure you it isn’t. Picture, if you will, if every time you did a particular thing you were then swatted on the back of the hand with a ruler. This is the essence of conditioning by negative reinforcement. You might think that a person could make some sort of rational choice, however choices that repeatedly have painful negative consequences are ones that will eventually be rejected. One has a very difficult time dealing with the fact that any real human attachment will result in unpleasantness, because the more attached you become the more pronounced and inescapable the effect. Furthermore, all these emotional confrontations have a cumulative effect. This results in an ever increasing inability to cope with placing yourself in situations where you will be forced to be emotionally vulnerable. On top of this, having to deal with the fact that you will need to endure this just to interact with other people (some of whom expect you to be emotional with them) becomes an emotional pressure in itself that you need to cope with. Right now as I type this I feel like my face is covered in poison ivy from the stress of just talking about this. Put these things together and the eventual result is thoughts you don’t want in your head in your head.
Dealing with others
Throughout my life people have done things in an attempt to deal with me, my personality, and my various cognitive challenges, such as:
Saying to me “I know you hate me”; I don’t know how anyone would think that saying this to someone would do anything but make a person feel shitty. Hating people is a waste of time. People are like anything else, they are either a benefit or a hazard if they are a hazard they are best avoided.,
Telling me that I need better self esteem and that the bad thoughts will go away if I just think better of myself; Wrong, I like myself. I don’t have a problem with myself. It is other people, in particular those with whom I would seek to feel a personal attachment who eventually see me as not worth the trouble. Due to my particular way of processing thoughts and feelings they will eventually conclude that I represent more of a hazard than a benefit (see above).,
Reciting “Just let it go”; How many times have I heard that one? Yes I would like to make it go away but you might as well tell me to flap my arms and fly. Letting go is not something I have ever been able to do. You may, for instance, believe that the ability to recognize people’s faces is something that anyone can do. It isn’t. It is an ability, contained in a specific area of the brain, if you don’t have access to this ability most people take for grated and just assume is a learned thing, you have to constantly work very hard to compensate.
This is why I so HATE the term ’emotional intelligence’ because it implies a condition of emotional stupidity. In the case of face blindness, one does not get mad when a person with this condition does not recognize you because the complex set of rules they use to identify you have broken down somewhere. It is however more difficult to give someone who is unable to empathize or relate to you on an emotional level the same sort of leeway.
You’re a monster
Constantly being made to feel that you deserve to feel you are a bad person because you don’t love someone and are not willing to lie to them and tell them you do, makes a person feel like less of a benefit and more of a hazard. This is the real rub here. It does not matter that you know you’re not a bad person. It’s the fact that people will inevitably come to the conclusion that you should feel like a bad person.
“There are special doctors who can help you”; Nope. Tens of thousands of dollars have been spent trying to adjust my brain and the reality is that I have long ago reached the point of diminishing returns. Hundreds of hours of therapy have, however, resulted in me having a strong aversion to therapy, mind altering drugs, etc. Telling me that you are willing to act as though you value my presence if I only but go to the special doctor who you are very sure can ‘fix’ me, is not doing me any favors. It’s simply not something I am willing to put myself through no matter how convinced you are by all the podcasts you’ve heard that I can be cured. For me it fails the cost benefit analysis.
Finally, having someone tell you how much they “love” you;
This is a particularly terrible thing for me because ‘love’ is held up to you as the sort of thing a ‘good’ person feels toward someone they value. Invariably the person telling you they “love” you thinks they are doing you a favour when in reality they are a constant reminder that you are broken and therefore not good. The other thing is that you know as much as they say they love you it won’t change a thing when they come to the conclusion that you are more of a hazard.
Out you go
I wrote this because I constantly feel trapped by my inability to really express to people what’s going on in my brain. I’m very stressed by the ever growing number of people who think ill of me because of something I have said or done or perhaps just because I have come off looking singular. Recently, someone I know and like has come out as being on the spectrum and I thought that perhaps I should too.
If you spent 10 years soldering components to printed circuit boards how much closer to being able to design electronics would you be? The answer is ‘not very’. Following instructions does little to teach one how to design things. Nor does it teach you what the instructions do in the context of creating a thing you don’t really understand.
Most people who cook have almost no idea how very little they really know about cooking. For these people cooking becomes a matter of rote; following formulas to achieve results. Variations to this are achieved by happy accidents and blind experimentation.
If you want to teach someone to cook it is necessary to teach them to cook by ear, much in the same way a person might learn music by understanding scales, keys, etc. People read instructions off the Internet or out of a book the same way a musician might read sheet music. Reading notes on a page and playing the song accordingly is much like following a recipe. With a musical instrument, you have some luxury to experiment and find combinations of notes that go well together. With food, this is much more difficult due to the time and cost involved.
In music, the ability to improvise is a key element to being a musician, as opposed to just being able to play an instrument. What makes improvisation possible is an understanding of musical theory; scales, notes, rhythm, arrangement, etc. In cooking the same sorts of theories apply. One must understand the interaction of fats, starches, sugar, protein, heat, cold, etc. Being able to play a set of songs note perfect does not make you a musician in exactly the way being able to follow a set of recipes does not make you a chef.
Learning how to cook
For musicians, sheet music is a tool, not a crutch. For a musician, sheet music gives him a means of playing and following along with others without knowing the song beforehand. Many musicians never even learn to read sheet music. Would you ask someone “How do even play guitar without sheet music?”? “I know how a guitar is played” is the answer. While this might seem painfully obvious many people ask “How do make a pie without a recipe?”. The answer is virtually the same; “I know how pies are made.”.
Step one: Accept that you don’t know how to cook. You don’t. Just accept that or you will never become good.
Step two: Stop cooking by rote. This is vitally important. It is essential to not only do the right things to achieve a result but to understand how and why those results are achieved.
Step three: Grasp the basics and work up. Understand the techniques employed in every aspect of the cooking process and how they are applied. i.e. If you do not understand what makes a good pie crust you will not be able to make a good pie despite knowing what makes a good pie filling.
Step four: Learn to think critically about preparing food. Everything you do must be looked at while asking the question what impact will what I am doing right now have on the taste, smell, appearance, texture and possibly sound of the finished product and is there a way to make what I am doing better.
Step five: Focus with artistic precision on the final product. Don’t dress up the simple in the clothes of the sophisticated. Simple is beautiful. Sophisticated and complex is beautiful. Bear this always in mind. Your ability to gild a lily will not make you a chef. Don’t do it.
I’ve been revisiting some of the earlier The Elder Scrolls (TES) games lately. I keep an occasional eye on one of the oldest and largest projects, Tamriel Rebuilt. This project started in 2001 before Morrowind was released. For the amount of work that has gone into Tamriel Rebuilt, they have been very slow to release content. This is largely due to TR’s commitment to quality. Their rule is to release only material as good as Bethsoft would have, had Bethsoft created it.
The scope of the project is to release material that is about twice the size of Morrowind when it came out. In essence adding TR triples the world space of Morrowind. The team is also working with other modders doing projects around Morrowind with the thought that these things will eventually mesh. The team has also joined with Project Tamriel to establish a unified asset creation depot. Assets from other TES mods are available to the TR team and vice versa. Assets can be used in other TES mods. This is done with only one file to download. This is sort of modding Holy Grail.
An Open-source Replacement for the Morrowind Executable
In related news, OpenMW is coming along nicely. OpenMW is a Morrowind replacement engine. At this point, Morrowind is totally playable with OpenMW. The other day I cracked open my copy of MW and installed it. Afterwards, I installed OpenMW and found that there was virtually no discernible difference in play experience between vanilla and OpenMW. This was until I started playing with the CFG file; turning on the landscape options. BANG! My view distance became HUGE.
In Morrowind, view distance is very restricted. With Vanilla MW, you walk around in a fog. As you look at parts of the sky, those parts disappear; covered when a building spawns. I find this tends to break my suspension of disbelief. With OpenMW loading lots of cells no longer bogs down game speed to unplayable levels. The executable uses a modern, multithreaded, engine. As a result, OpenMW can handle the added load. Looking across the map is amazing. Have you ever wanted to look at the whole of Vivec? Now you can. Of course, the side effect of this is it shrinks the perceived size of the world space.
TES Episode Two: Daggerfall
This brings me to the topic of Daggerfall. While messing with all this MW stuff I got to wondering ‘Is anyone doing anything similar with Daggerfall?’. Well, they are. Daggerfall Workshop has ported DF to the Unity engine. Unity is a well-supported engine with 3D, etc. Terrain in Daggerfall can now be better rendered. View distance is dramatically increased. Currently, Tamriel is still populated by sprites, but textures can now be bump mapped, caused to glow, given shine, etc. Dungeon mapping has improved significantly. The sky looks amazing.
In terms of playable world space, Daggerfall is the largest RPG ever produced; 62,394 square miles, over 15,000 towns, cities, villages, and dungeons for the player’s character to explore. Daggerfall was essentially the “No Man’s Sky” of 1996. The problem was then in ’96 procedurally generated content was still very primitive. One of my dreams is that the assets of Daggerfall could be upgraded with more sophisticated content generation and some more handcrafting. I still want TES games to be huge. The games should have human-directed, procedurally generated, content included. I feel certain, this will be the future of content creation.
Daggerfall was like a human-defined canvas. Specific things were placed by hand. Then a machine sort of randomly splattered bits of paint on that canvas. Conversely, Morrowind had the creators hand stitch the canvas and then each one dipped hatpins in paint and placed every dot of color. I would have greatly preferred that the canvas of Morrowind been like that of Daggerfall with the handcrafting saved for dungeon locations, cities, etc.
About the featured image: Screenshot from the OpenMW replacement engine The view distance has been greatly increased. The downside is this reveals some real flaws in the game.
If one seeks to achieve a sense of purpose in a purposeless universe one must elevate one’s self. To elevate the self, one must elevate the actions of the self. All human action is purposeful and directed toward an end. Do not strive toward that end with meekness but rather seek to become sublime through determined actions that are themselves sublime. Every action you take for the rest of your life, you will take only once. No two actions will ever be the same. Eliminate all drudgery from your life by making all actions the result of precise thought.
Sharpen your skills and mind as you would sharpen a tool
A workman is only as good as his tools. Don’t forget that skills and focus are tools you use to accomplish tasks. Apply effort to all you do. Adopt the habit of focusing on the task you are engaged in. Be critical of every action you take and seek to make every effort one that you can take pride in.
What is a towel? What is its nature?
Is a towel merely a scrap of cloth? No. A towel, like many things, is an item created by man for his use. A quality towel is the result of careful thought and design on someone’s part. Someone thought through every aspect of a towel’s construction and design. The pattern of the towel is the work of a dedicated designer. Nothing in the towel exists by happenstance.
Folding, why should you care?
There the towel sits waiting for use. The color, the texture, the design, all these things sit outside your control. All you control is the presentation. When a chef makes a great meal the presentation is not left to chance. Nor should the folding of towels be given any less care. Painting, sculpting, flower arranging, towel folding; All of these things are not simply chances to be adequate. Practice precision in presentation. Seek to fold the perfect towel as you would seek to draw the perfect heart.
Examine the towel; its precise dimensions, proportions and orientations. Each towel has an inside, an outside and top and bottom. When the towel is folded will these things be oriented the same way or placed haphazardly, wherever? Careful thought should be employed. Fold a towel as you would fold a paper crane. Though you might fold a thousand paper cranes, striving toward perfection, no two will be the same. It is in the subtlety of their differences one from another we derive joy and in their sameness also. Consider carefully how will this towel come to the user’s hands. How will they unfold it? What hand will they use? How should should the towel look? Will the user experience pain of regret when destroying your work or will they experience indifference? Seek always to make art in action and in substance.